I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
