i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
