last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
