True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
