I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
