Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
