He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
