Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
