sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
