Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
