I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
