Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
