she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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