Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
