I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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