sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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