Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
