just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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