i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
