He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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