You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
