I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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