seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Are we still banned from the library?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
