you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
