My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
