I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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