two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
