I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Randomize
