I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
