Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
