And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
