What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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