yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
