its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
