So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
