Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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