Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
