9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
