I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
