i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
