You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
