Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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