It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
