I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
