remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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