Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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