There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
