I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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