it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
