So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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