I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
