We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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