??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
