so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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